"Other Stuff"

                                                         Donald Trump Recites Humpty-Dumpty:

    Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall, I’m telling you! Like the one I’ll build and get the Mexicans  to pay for!

    Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall, so great you can’t believe it!

    All the king's horses and all the king's men

    Couldn't put Humpty together again-

    But I can! It’ll be so great! You won’t believe how together Humpty will be!

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                My first encounter with a black hole took place when I was only ten. I was brushing my teeth over the bathroom sink when I dropped my toothbrush. It bounced off the counter top and into the air before plunging into the toilet. Three years later I was blow drying my hair over the self same sink and counter top when, inexplicably, I lost control of the hair-dryer. It too, bounced hard off the counter top and into the air. It, too, landed in the toilet. This presented me with a bit of a problem, as it was still plugged in and blowing hot air...on the highest power setting. Indeed it was swirling  around in the toilet randomly blowing water all over. I unplugged it, removed it from the bowl, dried it off, and, God as my witness, still have and use it to this day.
               That was over 30 years ago.
               Since then, I've had my wallet (twice), keys, coins, and sundry and assorted other items disappear into the vast waiting maws of these ceramic, white, wet abysses. In fact, the comb I use sticks up about an inch above my back pants pocket, and as such every time I stand up and pull up my pants there is a good chance that the end of the handle will catch the underside edge of the seat, thereby prying it out of the pocket and rendering it airborne. Seven times out of ten it ends up in the toilet bowl.
               I have had my glasses, a bookmark, and once a can of Copenhagen (in my younger years) get sucked into these heinous hell-holes. The bookmark somehow got wedged in the neck of the plumbing, and, despite my buying and aggressively using a plumber's snake, refused to budge. I had to call Roto-Rooter. $150.
              There is another type of hole whic apparently exerts an irresistible pull on me. (Get your minds out of the gutter). These would be holes in the ice. While I haven't spent much time ice-fishing, I've managed to lose several tools and a few other things down holes in the ice. I once bought a deluxe  $45 ice chisel, only to send it to the bottom of the lake the first time I used it.
              My brother, however, may have me beat in this particular regard. He has also managed, during his rare forays, to lose several tools and other items down an ice-hole. He, however, once actually lost a "flipper tooth", a not inexpensive dental prosthesis to a hole in the ice. One would think that an 8" hole in a 10,000 acre lake would not wield such power. Perhaps it's like Charlie Brown and the kite-eating tree.
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                Near Future Headline?:

"Entire Colorado Congressional delegation to 'stay in, veg out' after passing law mandating free home snack delivery"
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               Recent Past Headline?:

"Lindsay Lohan Hoping For Well Hung Jury"
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My Proposed Song Titles For A New “Country Blues” C.D.:

                                                                                                     

Side A                                                                                                Side B

Labatt Blues                                                                                     Killian’s Red, But I’m O.K. 

Gallo, I Love You (Won’t You Tell Me My Name)                            Jim Beam Me Up, Scotty

Bristol Cremed                                                                                 Brandy Randy

Muscatel Me Now                                                                            Moon Over (My) Manhattan

 I’m Still Cooking, Sherry                                                                  Greyhounded

One Hot Toddy                                                                                 Keystoned
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My Proposed Song Titles For A New “Country Blues” C.D.- Volume II:

Side A                                                                                               Side B

Kissin’ My Glass Goodbye                                                            Whiskey Business

Michelobotamy                                                                             Of Coors, Not

Gin Me, Rummy                                                                            Rolling Rocked

Grey Goose Me Again                                                                  One Bud Wiser 

My Honey Had A Pabst Smear                                                   Garage Drinkin’ Blues

How’s Your Heinie, Ken?                                                             Baby’s Bush Is Gone

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                                     The Harris Polling Group- News You Can Use  

  Minneapolis Journal

December 16, 2014

                Over ninety-nine percent of Minnesotans say they’ve never been polled (of course, 99.999965% weren’t even polled in this one) according to the most recent survey conducted by the Harris Polling Group. These results are considered accurate to within +/- 4%.

                Mr. Edward Klinkhammer (Sleepy Eye) spoke for many when he stated, “I have never been polled- well, until now, I guess. My friends have never been ‘polled’, my friend’s friends have never been polled, no one in my family has ever been polled. I don’t think anyone in this whole damn county’s ever been polled, come to think of it.”

                Mrs. Gertrude Flowers of Litchfield said, “No one I have ever met has ever been polled- and the last few years I’ve been asking everyone about it.”

                Mrs. Dolly Browning, of Bloomington, added, “I know we’re just dumbass flatlanders here in ‘flyover’ country, but I’ve never known anyone who’s been polled, and, anyway,  I really don’t think any 1,500 people, or however many are typically surveyed are truly representative of a nation of 300+ million people, due to the sheer depth and variety of the human experience and perception thereof.

                “But what do I know?” she added.

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